artone

November 2004

CREATED FOR CONNECTION
By Anne Gomez

To belong, to be part of something, to know we are part of something more than just ourselves, is a human need. It is a characteristic of our creation, as relational people, reflecting the relational image of the Trinity. We seek to have this need met in different ways, varying given our personalities, our backgrounds and cultures. Many of us join clubs, sports teams, and sign up for programs, connecting with others who share similar interests or views. As Christians, we seek to belong and have a place within the body of Christ.

Our sense of belonging develops in family. Those first relationships play a large part in shaping how we connect and interact with others. As adults, we develop our own families, places, or communities, where we are valued for who we are and where we contribute to the life of the community.

Times of transition, or crisis, can challenge that sense of belonging. We experience unrest, we feel unsettled. Sometimes our friendships and relationships become strained, testing the foundations of those relationships. Sometimes those relationships cannot support us and we experience a sense of betrayal, when the place where we thought we belonged is no longer a place for us in our time of need.

Confronting the feeling of not belonging is hard and can be painful. We may realize that there are places where we have never felt that we completely belonged. Our places of weakness, vulnerability and wounding can be where we feel different and on the edge of the community. Yet, there is a gift in facing the tension crisis brings to the sense of belonging. It can be a time to examine our ways of connecting with others, to heal from wounds and unmet needs that shape our ways of relating, to re-examine how we define our relationships, communities, and places we belong. It is an invitation to deepen our sense of belonging with God, to allow Him to meet our needs. We do not have to do this alone. Therapy can be a safe place to do this wrestling, in the presence of another person who can journey with us through the tension, engaging the questions raised within us and new places for growing. Those who engage this journey often say it is worth it, that they are living their lives in a meaningful way, which they feel is richer and deeper.