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Surrendering to the measure of our days "I have two weeks before my biopsy," she says as she glances out of the window, "and I am going to make the most of my time with my children." For the next ten minutes she talks of her son's dark and sparkling eyes, her daughter's quick sense of humour, the unsuspecting pranks they recently pulled…. When a serious illness strikes we learn about loss: loss of good health, loss of a sense of invulnerability, loss of assumptions about "bad things not happening to good people," loss of illusions about being in control of our lives, and loss of a hoped for future. Francis, the above mother of three active boys under the age of five, knows of the struggle to overcome cancer. Her mother died of the illness two decades ago. Her aunt, on the other hand, survived it. Francis is hoping for the best for her self. She will be actively engaged in seeking help and healing for her illness. At the same time, she reminds me, " all of us, sooner or later have to come to terms with the measure of our days." Francis is more peaceful about her illness than most of us because of her earlier struggle to make sense of her mother's illness and death. She tells me her journey is a long story. She remembers feelings of rage and resentment against God. She remembers feelings of darkness and despair amid shattered hopes and dreams. She remembers feelings of piercing sorrow over the amount of suffering in this world. She remembers leaving God for a while. Finally, she remembers coming to a place of surrender. "Surrendering
is not about giving in or giving up," she says. "It is a place
where life takes on a different hue." It is like ending a game of
tug-of-war-we simply let go. We choose treatments that feel right for
us. We appreciate what life brings us. We let go of our way. We learn
to trust a loving God to grant us the measure of our days.
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