November 2004

The Process of Renovating
By Lisa DeVries

I recently bought a previously owned home with a plan to renovate. I knew that I wanted to change some things so I made a list, estimated cost, developed a budget, and formed expectations of what my newly renovated home would be like.
I was motivated by what I wanted it to be. Inch by inch I envisioned the house and yard filled with moments with my family and friends. I visualized playing lego in the loft, reading stories by the fire, and pushing my kids so high on their swing set that they’d think they were flying over the old walnut tree out back. I saw company coming and going, and mealtimes filled with chatter and chaos.
Three months into this project, I realize it has not been exactly what I expected. Instead of a few simple alterations, it has become a journey of surprises, difficulties, intense learning, and varying degrees of hope.
This experience caused me to reflect on the process of counseling. Therapy can be a lot like renovating. Regardless of specific goals and personal issues, counseling services are sought by people who identify a desire for something in their lives to change. People may feel hopeful, afraid, nervous, eager to get started or eager to get it over with. Expectations are quickly formed of what the “new” self, “new” couple, or “new” family might be like.
Initially, it is common to query what is going to happen during “sessions” and how long it well take. Expectations are quickly formed of what the “new” self, “new” couple, or “new” family might be like. During counseling, goals are discussed and desired changes identified. Personal stories are shared and a relationship developed. Respect, trust, and hope are established. The process begins and guides movement through the specific content of struggles, hurts, and joys.
As time goes on, this journey leads to gained self-awareness, newly acquired skills, concrete solutions, adaptations, and acceptance. All of which are important and valuable. However, there is rarely one moment, one answer, one epiphany that resolves turmoil. Rather, most often it seems that entering into the process of change, even embracing the process of change is what leads to peace and moments of rest.
People “finish” counseling for many different reasons - some circumstantial, some personal. Regardless of the specific time of termination, it is significant to see that the journey that began in counseling moves on. To join fully, wholly, authentically in the moments of satisfaction and the currents of desired change is to continue in this journey. To gain the ability to continue changing, adapting, and coping is to finish triumphant.

Through my own project of change I have learned once again that life needs to continue even in the midst of change. It is a constant temptation to focus on finishing these renovations rather than remembering my motivation for beginning.
In the past three months, my oldest son started kindergarten, my youngest son learned to walk, and I hung my daughter’s first Sunday school project on our fridge. What a shame it would be to miss such priceless moments in my life to complete change in one specific area. I am distinctly aware that I must not lose my life for the urgency of finishing a project. Better, I can gain a greater perspective of living through the repetitive cycle of growth and change.

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