In my work as a Couple’s Counsellor, I hear many legitimate hurts and concerns brought up by partners in marriage. I consider it a privilege to be able to help couples hear one another and gain new understanding into what their partner is saying.
However, I also hear many arguments that don’t really need to be arguments. Even worse, sometimes I witness an argument where not only does this argument not need to happen, but the most tragic thing is that one partner is missing the opportunity to BE THE HERO to another partner. This applies to both partners, but men, I’m going to write to you because this is a simple perspective shift that will make your wives feel valued and lifted up.
One woman shared that she asked her husband to kill a spider. He responded by telling her to do it herself. After all, wasn’t she capable of it herself, wasn’t she a strong and independent woman? Not only are these words hurtful and accusatory, but the husband missed an opportunity to BE THE HERO. Why not simply, BE THE HERO? Why not get up off the couch, kill the spider, and be her hero? Instead of feeling disrespected, she would feel taken care of and protected.
Another woman shared about a recent trip her family took. As they were there, there was a tsunami warning. The woman wanted to drive to the tsunami shelter so they knew where it was in case they heard sirens and were supposed to evacuate. Her husband told her she was overreacting and they were fine where they were. He was right. There was no tsunami and these extra precautions were not needed. How much easier would it have been to BE THE HERO? Take the short drive, BE THE HERO, and enjoy the rest of the vacation feeling connected and supported.
Recently a man shared this story with me. Tuesday night was his normal night to get to go to the gym. But when he got home, he heard his wife say it had been a hard day at work and with the kids. This man had every right to go to the gym, as was their agreement. Instead, this husband said he would take the bedtime routine with the children for the second night in a row, drew his wife a bath, lit candles, and told her to take some time for herself. He decided to BE THE HERO!
Mike Ayers